Catching Up & Fall Baking

When I first started this blog back in February 2013, I used it as my journal. Sometimes I posted six times a week! Not every post had a recipe, but every post was about being a mom, or a wife, or being a daughter, or being a school volunteer, literally every post was about… me. I don’t do that as much anymore. Now, there are some posts that you would only be able to tell who wrote them, when you get to the bottom of the post to see my weekly pictures and to be honest, I’m not sure anyone besides my immediate family even does that, not that I blame them lol. Today, is about me though. It’s about what’s been going on in my life in the last few months.

Let’s catch up!

I am in the Crap Gap. This summer wasn’t the worst, but it also wasn’t the best. The heat and the smoke really affected me for the majority of August and our weekend trip to Victoria, left me battling fatigue for weeks afterwards. My biannual infusion is coming up, which means I’m in preparation mode, I got my blood work done, I got my flu and Covid vaccinations this week, and I’ve made the arrangements for my infusion. This time, we have a small problem. The infusion clinic here in Penticton, closed. So I had a choice of travelling to Kelowna to stick with my in Inviva infusionist or I could try a new clinic here in town. So I opted for the new clinic. While I loved Inviva, driving an hour and a half after my infusion, is just not happening. The infusion makes me quite tired and even if Ninja was driving, that sounds like a real awful experience and one that I would prefer not to have.

Good news, my last MRI came back with no new lesions! That’s the goal. We cannot fix the damage that’s already been done to my brain and spinal cord, but we can hopefully prevent any more lesions from occurring. In fact, there is promising new study out of Manitoba showing that there might be a way to heal old lesions. I can’t even imagine being able to feel my arm again without pain! Exciting stuff! More good news, my neurologist is taking a step back from patients and a new neurologist is taking over his patients! Unfortunately, in my online MS group a woman from Calgary asked about an Alberta neurologist because she needs a new one. Her neurologist, who was in her words, patronizing, condescending, and smug, was moving to Kelowna and she is looking for a new doctor. So, while I’m willing to keep an open mind, but I have a feeling I know what I’m in for.

MS has been in the news a LOT recently, from Selma Blair to Christina Applegate. I have a LOT to say about these things but every time I get going, I flare LOL. It is making me SO emotional to discuss these 2 women, that I will have to wait to write about my thoughts when I’m not crap gapping all over the place LOL.

On a TOTALLY different note, my Mavis passed away. I know I’ve mentioned it already, but I miss her. Before MS I had just started working full-time again. The Kids were just back in school and I added a whole new level to our Sparkles Window and Blind Cleaning business, home cleaning. I honestly loved it! I could make my own hours, I got to hand pick my clients, I didn’t have to buy a new wardrobe, have deadlines, or talk to anyone lol. I was making fantastic money and had 2 to 3 clients a day. After my first flare, I went back to work and realized, I couldn’t do it. Halfway through my first job I was so hot that I lost my eyesight. I finished, but I don’t remember getting home and I didn’t get out of bed for a week after. I reluctantly let go of all my clients that had stairs in their house. Next, I let go of all my clients with glass showers because raising my arms sets off my symptoms, and I pseudo flare almost immediately. That left me with three elderly clients. Mavis lived in a double wide manufactured home. She was very touchy on that subject lol never call it a mobile home, it was a manufactured home lol. She was smart and funny and grew up in the wrong era. I only vacuumed and mopped her floors which should’ve taken me a half an hour, but I was always there for at least two lol I would get there and she would have a list of questions for me like, why do girls show their belly buttons now, what is this diva cup, tell me about… Pronouns lol. A woman that had literally put on a menstruation pad hooked to a belt was asking me about a diva cup! Lol man, I miss Mavis! We talked books, politics, and religion. We absolutely 100% disagreed on almost every topic lol but we never argued. We listened to each other, learned from each other, and understood where each other were coming from. I recommended books that helped her understand my perspective and she did the same. Losing Mavis has kind of rocked me. I think about her all the time and I’m sad that her and I will never have a rousing discussion ever again. It makes me miss my Mom so much.

This past month I also lost a friend. Tiffany. Tiffany was diagnosed with breast cancer a few years ago and it shocked me. I think it shocked our whole community. Tiffany was a dance mom, like me. Our daughters were not the best dancers, we weren’t in the inner circle, but for our daughters, we learned how to do buns, sew pointe shoes, and sat for hours upon hours while our kids trained. HBear became good friends with her eldest daughter who is a year younger than HBear. SBean and her youngest have been friends since they could walk. Right after I was diagnosed with MS, dance competition season arrived. Like, my flare ended and HBear had a competition the next week lol. That season I had to lean on my dance mom group a lot and I am so grateful for all the help I received. While we were between dances, some of the other moms would go for coffee or go shopping, but I was exhausted. Tiffany and I decided to stay in the theatre and watch all the dancers. It was the first time we had ever spent quality time together, just the two of us. I learned that she grew up here in the Okanagan Valley, but went to the University of Manitoba! Just like me! In fact, while she went to school, she lived on the same street that my brother did! I laughed my butt off as she told me about her Winnipeg experiences and their first deep freeze lol. She was smart, sarcastic, and her humour was so dry, it was brittle, which is exactly the way I like my humour! Lol. While we were sitting in that dark theatre waiting for our children to go light up the stage, a woman with I don’t know actually, but I’m going to guess maybe cerebral palsy or muscular dystrophy? Anyways she came on the stage to a silent audience. She dragged herself to the chair in the middle of the stage and sat down. I’m a Survivor by Destiny’s Child started pumping through the speakers, and this young woman danced her ass off! She never got up from that chair, but she put all the passion and life that she had into that dance and I BAWLED. No, I didn’t bawl lol I UGLY cried. I was gulping for air and crying… Loudly! Tiffany was sitting beside me and I felt so bad for her lol she just looked at me like, WTF? Lol she gave me space as I could not take my eyes off of the warrior dancing on the stage. When it was over, I gasped. I turned Tiffany and said, “oh my God I am so sorry. I am so embarrassed.“ She just reached into her bag, pulled out a Kleenex, handed it to me and patted my thigh. I wiped my tears and we never said anything about it again. Lol.

Years later, when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, I had a dream. I am not somebody that remembers their dreams and I definitely do not discuss them lol in fact it’s a pet peeve of mine lol. However, as soon as I woke up, I had to message Tiffany.

Over the years, we basically stayed in contact just about the kids or, “I saw you post that you’re not feeling well. I hope you’re doing better soon“ messages from each of us. I just can’t believe that such of a vicious, smart, beautiful mother is gone. That the emptiness I feel in my heart without my Mom is something that those two young girls will have to feel for the rest of their lives. My heart is broken for them.

Don’t get me wrong, good things happen to me. Every day I have wonderful and beautiful things happen to me or things that I do. Those are in my weekly pictures at the bottom of each blog post. Every day that I spend with Ninja, HoneyBear, and SydneyBean is a charmed life. However, I need to put this in black-and-white. I am sad that I have lost my friends. I will miss them and they deserve to be remembered by me and every person that they touched. Mavis and Tiffany, you are gone too soon, but you will never be forgotten.