HBear got her bottom braces on last week. I hated having braces. They were ugly, they tore my mouth up, they gave me headaches, and I could never take them off. That was the big one, the lack of control I felt, never being able to take them off. After 4 years, I felt like I could fully breathe once they finally came off.
That’s how MS feels.
Except the lesions on my brain will never come off.
The other day HBear came home and I asked her how her appointment went with her therapist. Therapy is SO important and although HBear mostly keeps what she says to him private, she often gives me a rundown of what they discuss on a weekly basis. This week she said, “we talked about your MS. We talked about how you’re not getting better.” I was shocked. As I thought about how to respond to that I realized… I had stopped breathing. This is exactly what I was scared of! Affecting my children’s lives, their mental health and giving them one more thing to put on their plates! Their lives have already been full of trauma from the past 3 years and I HATE putting more onto their already full plates! I thought everything was going pretty well. I finally said, “no. Unfortunately it will never go away but let’s put things into perspective here, it’s a lot better than we initially thought right?“ HBear looked at me like I was crazy! Apparently it was only me that thought in the extremes about my disability, although I feel like I’m managing it well, it is a lot more serious than HBear originally thought.
I sometimes catch myself saying before I got sick… But I don’t look at myself as being sick. I find myself feeling that the proper term is, since I have been diagnosed. HBear feels differently.
It’s crazy how looks can be so deceiving. Some people see me posting videos and pictures and think nothing in my life has changed. They don’t see the days where my vision is so blurry that I walk into walls, my balance is so bad that I fall getting out of bed. I guess HBear sees that. To me, I think it’s great that I’m getting out of bed! That I am walking even though I’m walking into walls😂 Not every day is a struggle but honestly, the majority of them are. However, I try not to complain and I really thought that the Kids could see, Mom has to rest a bit more but really, not much has changed in their lives. HBear is observant.
I watched Dancing With the Stars last night. Selma Blair has been an inspiration to me. It has been a learning process for me. I wrote about my feeling about Selma Blair a few weeks ago. Tripping On Air ALSO wrote about Selma Blair last week and you can read about her feelings on the matter HERE! In some ways I think the world was getting an Instagram picture of what a MS looks like. As I watched her train for the past month, I was blown away! Even though I have MS, I blocked out what I knew and just watched her thinking, maybe I’m being weak? Maybe I just have to push myself harder? She can do it… Why can’t I? Then I remembered that this disease affects everyone differently. I remembered that… Looks can be deceiving. Last night I cried. I cried watching Selma Blair dance her final dance. She tricked us, she tricked even me. But I should’ve known. In her package she talked about watching other Moms do things she couldn’t and feeling like a failure as a Mom. She talked about the support. She announced that she had to leave the competition because of the stress on her body. She is afraid that if she continues and does more damage, she will never be able to get back up. I get this. HARD. It’s kinda the way I have looked at it. Moderation. Doing the things I can and letting go of the things I can’t. For the future. So that she can have a future with her son. So that I can have a future with my family. HBear doesn’t see it now but resting is going to allow me to have a longer more full life. I may not be able to do everything I want to but hopefully by not pushing myself over my limits, I won’t miss any of the important moments of my children’s lives in the future. Thank you Selma for showing us SO much courage, grace and consequence.
Check out How Was Your Week, Honey? Episode #298: This Is Not The Ladder You’re Looking For HERE! Topics: Ale Trail, leftovers, election, stomach bug, neighbour fire, Drinkwater, Cup pool, goal songs, Canadian Fun Facts, pop-punk, & Peaky Blinders.
Have I got a recipe for you! This is a creamy, luxurious, delicious meal that tastes straight out of a gourmet restaurant! I love roasted garlic. In fact my MMBesty went on a Alaskan cruise a few years ago and brought me home the coolest salmon fillet board with a rocking knife. I use it for roasted garlic. 😂 It is perfect for smooshing garlic and for rock/chopping herbs! This recipe doesn’t call for many ingredients but it is PACKED with flavour! Ninja added sautéed garlic prawns to his dish but I kept mine meat free.
Creamy Roasted Garlic Ravioli
Adapted from Don’t Go Bacon My Heart
1 package ravioli
1 1/4 cups heavy cream, at room temp
1/3 cup chicken stock
1/3 cup white wine
1/3 cup parmesan, grated
2 1/2 tablespoons butter
1 small bulb of garlic
1 tablespoon parsley, chopped
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg, grated
Chop the top off the garlic bulb to expose all the cloves. Drizzle with olive oil, wrap in foil and place in the oven at 350F for 55-60mins.
Melt butter in a large pan over medium heat stirring constantly. Stir for a few minutes until the butter turns a deep brown colour and you smell a nutty aroma.
Cook ravioli in salted boiling water according to package instructions. If the sauce is already the consistency that you like, drain the pasta and add to sauce and stir to combine. If the sauce is thick, use a slotted spoon to add the cooked ravioli to the sauce and stir to combine. The excess water will loosen up the sauce.
Top with parmesan and parsley.
