Mother’s Day & Bacon-Brown Sugar Pork Tenderloin

I’ve told a million lies but now I tell a single truth

There’s you in everything I do

Imagine Dragons

Year’s ago I heard Sometimes You Can’t Make it On Your Own by U2 and I thought of my Mom right away. It was exactly the way I felt about my Mom and her moving away.

When I hear I Bet My Life I am overwhelmed with emotion. Things I wish I could say, things I wish I had said. Like for example my last Mother’s Day with my Mom. I made her a stupid card that was hilarious, or at least I thought so at the time. I remember her sad face when she read it. I can’t remember what it said but it doesn’t matter because it wasn’t how I felt. I didn’t know it was our last Mother’s Day. I wish I had said sappy things that had made her smile.

I wish I had told her that I bet my life on her.

I really like that song. So does SBean which I find very telling/fitting lol.

SBean begs me “Mommy?”

yes?

“Mama?”

Yes Sweetie?

“Mommmmmmyyyyy?????”

This continues for almost 5 minutes,

I think… OMG stop whining, Mommy isn’t a fucking mind reader tell me what I can do to makes this stop!!!

Use your words Bean, Mommy doesn’t know what you need.

“Bet My Life Mommy PLLLLEEEEAAAASSSSSEEEEE”

I turn on her song and she puts an arm up in the air and begins fist pumping like mad as she sings on the top of her lungs!

Now remember when I told you that’s the last you’ll see of me

Remember when I broke you down to tears

I know I took the path that you would never want for me

I gave you hell through all the years

So I, I bet my life, I bet my life

I bet my life on you

I, I bet my life, I bet my life

I bet my life on you

It always makes me think of my Mom…

And the heartbreak my little SBean will most assuredly cause me in the not so distant future. LOL

It’s a good song.

Mother’s Day is hard for me. I want so much to be happy and enjoy the day with my family, with my incredible girls… but I spent 34 years of my life making this day all about my Mom. It is hard to change.

This year I found it more difficult than last year… not sure why. To be very honest I find May hard in general.

May 5th my parent’s anniversary, May 10th Mother’s Day, May 20th Mom went to the Dr’s and the cancer spread, May 25th we went to Vancouver for Mumford & Sons and Mom stayed home to think, May 26th I realized the truth, May 27th Mom went into her bed and never came back into the house, May 30th Mom went into Kelowna hospital and never came home. May 31st I called my Sis and Bro and broke their hearts.

I hate May.

One good point about May though is that it isn’t June.

I know it will get easier. I know all the things people keep telling me, they are all the things I would say to someone in my position. I hear them, I understand them… I am trying.

Ninja is the most sensitive man I know. He knows my inner turmoil. He sees the storm going on in my heart and in my head. He tries so hard to make this day special for me and it IS.

Today he took the girls out very early so I could sleep in. Why is it that sleep never comes when the opportunity is there?

They came home with beautiful flowers and Starbucks 🙂

We went to a beautiful restaurant on the lake, 1912 Bistro/Flambe Catering, for brunch with my Dad and my In-Laws.

It was awesome! HBear even made me a very special Mother’s Day gift 🙂

We came home and I took some time to myself while SBean “napped”, HBear went to the Children’s Showcase with Grandma and Grandpa, Dad cleaned the back deck for dinner and Ninja prepared dinner.

I began writing this post and I watched the slideshow of my Mom’s life.

When my Mom first went into the hospital I remember sitting with her one night… pleading with her to not do this, like she had a choice… she grabbed my hand and said,

“Stop it! You know if I could I would stay with my children forever. You 3 are my biggest blessings my greatest accomplishments. Remember that when you miss me, look at your girls and feel blessed because those girls are going to save you Kristin. Trust me.”

She was so right… like usual. Damn, she had to die for me to realize that simple fact lol. My girls, my family… save me. When I feel like my tears won’t stop flowing and my sadness is going to swallow me whole I look at my girls and I can’t help but smile.

Thank you Mommies.

You continue to teach me things and give me the answers that I need even now and I will always love you. Happy Mother’s Day.

After the Children’s Showcase Circus, HBear and Grandma and Grandpa came home and we celebrated my FIL’s 70th birthday which was on Tuesday! Ninja made an awesome Thyme crusted roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, leek and shallot mashed potatoes, and peas with mushrooms and pancetta!!! Look out MasterChef 🙂

We had dinner outside and capped it off with homemade cake that Grandma made (no one trusts my baking lol)

Yummy! Thank you Daddy-o for the AH-Mazing wine!!! Note Bena is my FAVORITE!!

AND

Thank you Ninja for making my Mother’s Day as relaxing and as happy as possible 🙂 Dinner was DELICIOUS!! You are my favorite and my bestest! I even got to pee without a child walking in! LOL

A few weeks ago we had our first truly summer dinner. It was AH-MAZING! This is a must try dish!!! I just realized how many times I use this word… sorry it has been a rollercoaster day 🙂

Enjoy and I hope your Mother’s Day was as full of (bittersweet) happiness and bursting with as much love as mine was!

Bacon-Brown Sugar Pork Tenderloin
Adapted from The Kitchn

3 tablespoons brown sugar
2 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
6 slices good-quality bacon (we used more lol)
1 tablespoon oil
1/4 cup Chutney (I used peach mango)
2 tablespoons whole grain or Dijon mustard

1 1/2 lbs pork tenderloin

Preheat the BBQ (or oven) to 350.

Remove the silverskin (the silvery-white connective tissue running along the top) from the pork tenderloin with a sharp knife. Pat the tenderloin dry with paper towels and set aside.

Combine the brown sugar, salt, paprika, and cayenne in a small bowl. Rub all of the mixture into the pork tenderloin.

Wrap the tenderloin with the strips of bacon.

Heat the oil in a large skillet, over medium-high heat until sizzling. Add the bacon-wrapped tenderloin and sear — leave it alone while it’s searing — until deep caramel brown, about 6 to 8 minutes. Flip the tenderloin and continue searing until the other side is browned.