Ok let’s get real here for a second.
Is it just me or do you hate your body too?
I wouldn’t say that I had a killer body before I had kids… But 🤔 looking back at what I know now… I had a killer body before I had kids. 😂
I wasn’t confident enough to wear clothes that fit me though. I was a product of the 1990’s, where you dressed to fit into the background. It’s not like I didn’t have my skintight dresses to wear to the bar though 😳 but I never felt comfortable in them. I always felt more comfortable in a pair of cargo pants and a hoodie. Clothes that covered every inch of my body. Just because I didn’t think I had a killer body doesn’t mean that I didn’t know that I had OK body. I didn’t worry or get upset about my body… However, you wouldn’t have caught me dead in a pair of shorts! My Mom and my Sister always struggled with their weight so I always felt uncomfortable talking about my own body issues when I weighed 97 lbs. Oh hard done by me. Just because I was thinner does not mean that I had confidence in my body or that I didn’t struggle with my own body issues though.
Now? Well, as my SBesty pointed out, in 10 years I will be looking back at today like I look back at my body before kids LOL in 10 years I will be thinking I should have been more confident in what I had to work with right now at this point in time.
I read an article today about how to stop your boobs from sagging. There were poultices and mask recipes using olive oil and oatmeal and other things to bring the elasticity back to your boobs! I mean, women coat their boobs with goop and let it sit for hours in hopes that it will help their boobs regain some elasticity. 🙄
I hate my boobs now. My boobs used to be so perky! I remember being a teenaged girl and being so embarrassed about my perky little boobs.
Man what I wouldn’t give for those boobs back!
My very first blog post had this story but it bears repeating… One night I was in our en suite brushing my teeth wearing just my underwear. I was leaning over the sink and I glanced up at my reflection and what I saw made me stagger backwards! I sat there staring with the toothbrush in my mouth and foamy toothpaste dribbling down my chin and dripping on to the floor. I leaned over again and looked back into the mirror and honestly… it looked like 2 sad water balloons that had sprung a leak!
I cried.
I cried just like I did a month before I had HBear and decided it was a good idea to stand naked in front of a full length mirror! WTF?
I don’t know if it’s in my mind… I don’t know if other women feel this way but I will never look at my body the same as I did before kids. The stretch marks, the saggy tissue, the new butt crack you have from your vagina to your bellybutton. Even though I am almost back to the weight that I was when I had HBear, my body is totally different.
And I hate it.
But I don’t want to. I want to at least like my body enough to flirt with my husband or even… accept a compliment, imagine that LOL
When we went out the other week Ninja looked me up and down and said, “Wow! You look Hot!” and I completely shut him down. It occurred to me that because I don’t feel comfortable with my body, I never flirt with my drop dead gorgeous husband anymore! That’s a shame! So, I decided it is time to do something about it.
I am a big yoga freak. I love yoga. I truly believe that it has changed my life. If I would’ve known way back in my teenaged years how to meditate, breathe, and take time to make every part of my body feel good, I really think I would be a different person right now.
I have always loved yoga but in the past 2 years I have really made it a priority. When I say priority I mean, I listen to my body and it tells me, “Dude you need to stretch!” Sometimes when I’m just drop dead exhausted at the end of the night and think I’m not gonna do it… then that’s the time when I know that I NEED to do it the most. I have never finished a “workout” and thought, “man that sucked! Am I ever pissed that I did that.” LOL It’s usually only 20 minutes but it puts my mind at ease and gives me 20 minutes to connect with what I’m thinking, feeling, and figure out what part of my body needs more attention.
I don’t think I do yoga like everybody else. I have taken yoga classes and I would love to take more! I have also watched hours and hours of YouTube videos. OK, not just watched 😆 I have followed along too but sometimes I just watch to get new ideas. What I have found works for me is just listening to my body. I start at the top and I try to just keep on moving, stretching and pushing until either everything feels in place or I have cracked every single one of my joints and feel great. I understand chiropractors now so much better. I have never been to one and I believe that once you start cracking it’s almost addictive, you have to do it to make it feel good. Funny enough yoga’s kind of like that, once you feel good you always want to feel that way so you continue to do it.
Sometimes I listen to new music, sometimes I listen to the spa music, right now though I am big on Spotify’s playlist, Acoustic Covers. It’s all songs I know but slowed down. I like doing yoga to songs that I know because then I’m not actively listening. I have learned that about myself, I am always actively listening or thinking or doing. For 20 minutes every night I actively listen to my body.
I also have my Fitbit. I love my Fitbit. Again, it gives me insight to what/how my body is doing. I know if my heart rate goes up, I know exactly how much sleep I am getting, I can keep track of my water intake, and I can even count calories if I wanted. I used to do this but my motive for having a Fitbit is to understand my body better and not to necessarily to lose weight. After counting for a couple months I could clearly see the things that were in my diet that were a ridiculous amount of calories. I have always been skinny or skinny fat 😁 so I’ve never really investigated what my caloric intake was. Now that I know after keeping track quite clearly for 3 months, I know when I’ve eaten something that I might need to run off in the near future 😜
Which brings me to the new thing I’m doing! Challenges! What I love most about my Fitbit is that it keeps me accountable. I can’t lie to myself 😉 if I didn’t get my water goal that day… It’s because I didn’t drink enough water. When I look down and see that I have not made my step goal, I am disappointed in myself. If I didn’t meet my goal of exercise 5 out of 7 days, I know that I didn’t put enough effort into myself that week. To up the ante on accountability I have joined the Week Day Hustle Challenge with around 10 ladies in our community. I only know 1 or 2 of the ladies but these women are in it to win it! The first week I came in 6th. I even thought I had a pretty good week LOL but apparently not as good as 5 other women! Next week I came in 4th.
Then 3rd.
This past week I promised myself I would have a 5-day goal achievement! Some days were absolutely no problem getting 10,000 steps, on those days I did my nightly yoga before bed. Other days I looked down at my watch and saw that I had only taken 6298 steps! So, I would grab my water bottle and my Spotify and go out into the garage. I would turn it onto 90’s Hits and had myself a 1 lady dance party! I must look like the biggest idiot in the entire world because I have absolutely no rhythm and I mix lunges, cardio, yoga, squats, kicks, booty shaking and just plain old jogging into my “dance” routine. When my watch finally buzzes at 10,000 steps I then begin to cool down. One night I was out here dancing my ass off for 49 minutes! It is so much fun! It’s like all the music I listened to at the bar when I was in my 20’s, I remember dancing all night to those songs! So if I did it then… I know I can do it now.
I did it. I met my personal goal of 10,000 steps for 5 days in a row.
When I went to bed at 11 o’clock on Friday night I was in 1st place! The countdown was on, 1 hour until the challenge ended.
When I woke up on Friday these were the results…
Seriously? What does a girl have to do to win that shit? LOL
This week I’m going to try even harder! Yesterday I went for a morning run on the beach!
The thing is, I have 2 girls. I want them to feel confident in their bodies! Every time I put on a bathing suit and look in the mirror I don’t like what I see but I leave the dressing room with a smile on my face. I am so careful about not criticizing my appearance in front of them. There are so many offhanded comments I hear throughout the day that make women feel insecure. We have so many things in this world to be insecure about but our body shouldn’t be one of them. All of my yoga, my Fitbit, and my challenges are leading me to one goal… being proud of my imperfections and accepting myself for who I am. I remember hearing an interview with Kate Winslet once and she said something that really stuck with me,
“I have a crumble baby belly, boobs are worse for wear after two kids… I’m doing all right. I’m 33. I don’t look in the mirror and go, “oh, I look fantastic!”. Of course I don’t. Nobody is perfect. I just don’t believe in perfection. But I do believe in saying, “this is who I am and look at me not being perfect!”. I’m proud of that.”
We also made our class Halloween treats! This year we made fruit cup Jack o’lanterns. OK I have to say something here… I asked HBear how many kids are in her class and she answered 23 but 1 boy is a Christian so he doesn’t celebrate Halloween.
🙄
Her teacher told her she could give him a treat only if it wasn’t scary. Seriously?
Our Brownie pack asked the church where we hold our meetings, if we could throw a Halloween party and the response was… that it was ok to have a party if we called it a costume party or fall party because the dark magic that is associated with the event wasn’t in line with their Christian beliefs.
Truth.
Apparently a “dark magic” party for our 7 year olds is A-OK with Jesus as long as we call it something else.
The kids are working on making landscapes with plasticine at school and HBear’s teacher emails us pictures weekly of what they are doing!
SBean loves Little Tree Music Together with her MusicBesty! This is the 1st year she is actively participating in class. For the past 3 years she has been a silent watcher but now she sings loudly and clearly for all to hear! She loves instrument time and free dance and will eagerly let you know which of the songs her big Sis doesn’t like the best LOL.
The Brownie enrolment ceremony was pretty great! The Leaders really put in a lot of effort to make it special for the Girls! HBear is a Circle Leader this year. She leads her group, The Leprechauns. They all picked their own superpower. HBear picked Trustful.
Trustful?
I see where she was going with it though 😉.
