Lessons Learned & Grilled Cheese Dogs

I write my blog throughout the week. Sometimes it’s a glimpse into one day and other times it’s written over multiple days. This week was such a roller coaster! My mood changed drastically throughout the past 7 days. This weekend was dance pictures and I got to catch up with a lot of friends I haven’t seen in a while. Obviously, there were a lot of questions. A lot of, “how are you REALLY doing?” And a lot of people that showed their admiration for my ability to “put it all out there.” There were also people that I used to talk to that stayed as far away from me as possible! I get that! For some, they don’t know what to say and for others, they watch me on social media and see my vulnerability and it makes them feel awkward. That’s a them thing, not a me thing. Overall, I feel proud of letting people in on my good days and my bad. I don’t necessarily think I help anyone 😂 I mean let’s be serious here, I am a mess lol but sometimes seeing another person’s journey allows you to see things from a different perspective.

I’m going to look at the friends that follow my journey and are rooting for me as one of the good things that have come out of my 2022 so far 💛!

As for the question, how I am really doing… That is such a loaded question. Every single day is different. Every single hour is different! This isn’t a disease where I will get better. Some days are good and some days are bad. Last week I ran the gamut of every emotion possible. Here’s how my week went…

When I started this week I felt on top of the world! I went back to work and everything felt “normal”. At least for the first 2 1/2 days. Monday I worked with Ninja and we laughed. Yes, I was slow and sweaty but it was an accomplishment! I did it! Tuesday, I went off on my own and did a small 2 hour job. Halfway through I began to give up on myself but I rallied and finished strong! I even walked to go get SBean from school! My body was buzzing but it felt like the buzz of a win! Adrenaline and excitement! On Wednesday, I was ready for anything! Or so I thought. I took on my biggest challenge yet, a 4 hour job! Half way through I was exhausted but feeling ok. By the end… I was unable to feel anything below my neck. I felt like I was just a head floating in the air. I couldn’t see, the pain in my head was excruciating, and I was so dizzy I don’t remember leaving. I had my wits about me enough to eat and quickly shower when I got home but after that I layed down and I didn’t get back up again until today.

That was Friday.

There I was again. Feeling disappointed in myself. I had tested my boundaries and I got my ass kicked. The thing with MS is one of the main symptoms is depression. The thing with my infusion therapy is that the main side effect is depression. I think that I am on top of it on that end. Mentally I feel like I am staying strong. Until things like this happen and I can be pretty hard on myself. I question everything. Did I rush? Perhaps. It’s just that I’m so used to doing things quickly, efficiently, and well. There’s not much I haven’t been able to do in my life once I’ve put my mind to it.

This is different.

1. I was not ready. I did over 16000 steps on Wednesday! Before MS I did at least 20000 a day so I thought, no big deal. Until afterwards when I was laying in bed unable to move and I looked at my year to date step count. Then I realized I had made a mistake. My average steps in a day over the past 4 months has been 2500 steps!!! I have done stuff over the past few months but I always need to rest. I can’t even clean my OWN bathroom without sitting down multiple times!!! What was I thinking?

2. I need to re-evaluate. Up until this week I have looked at my disease in a straight line. I am here and I would like to get to that point at the other side of the line. That’s impossible. My line is no longer straight. Every day includes bumps and dips. Some days I wake up and the pain is so bad I can’t get out of bed. So far, I have found no reason other than the lesions on my brain. I mean, I can’t take vitamins, do yoga, get a good sleep and the next day I will feel better. I might. Sleep really helps, I have found that out! But it isn’t like a cold. I don’t feel better. I ‘m not getting better. Because I won’t get better. Hopefully in time I can pinpoint triggers that will allow me to have the best quality of life that I can but things are different now. I realize that. I’m not sad or angry. This is brand new to me even though MS has played such a factor in my life, this is still new to me. I like to think of myself as a scientist always, and what I know about experimenting is this:

1) Pose a Testable Question.
2) Conduct Background Research.
3) State your Hypothesis.
4) Design Experiment.
5) Perform your Experiment.
6) Collect Data.
7) Draw Conclusions.
8) Publish Findings.

My next step, pose a new question and start again! Even though these were not the results I wanted, I can now scratch that one off of my list and try something new, I am going to take this as a win!

3. Recently I have felt like karma has been giving me a sound spanking 😂. Something happened this week though that made me feel like karma was recognizing some of the goodness that I have put out there as well. I received a text message from the dance photographer that said that an anonymous friend had donated to our pictures!

What? That is beyond anything in my wildest expectations! I don’t know who you are but please know that your generous gift helped us out so much! Being out of work for the past 4 months and being a small business owner without benefits has been 1 more added problem to our plate. We are OK. However, extra ordinary things like dance pictures are luxuries that we really had to think about in a new way this year. This thoughtful gesture helped a lot. Thank you. Thank you very much 😘🙏.

4. Moms are awesome. As per usual I spent my Mother’s Day at the dance studio. As per usual, not one Mom complained about being there first thing in the morning or staying well into the evening. Not one Mom complained about putting makeup and fake eyelashes on their children while they themselves still had sleep in their eyes and messy Mom buns atop their heads. They smiled as their children handed them each costume to carefully hang up to be ready for the next time they were needed. Moms are pretty incredible. I had so many deep conversations with so many strong, intelligent, funny, interesting women this weekend. I am blown away by my Mom squad. They are the true superheroes ❤️. I mean my Mom helped me last week and she’s dead! That’s Powerful! 😂💛

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms out there no matter what they look like! Moms come in all different forms and some of them didn’t physically give birth but are incredible Moms despite that. Thank you. Thank you for all that you do and for the amazing children that you are raising 😘❤️.

Check out How Was Your Week, Honey? Episode #275: Your Fortune… In Bed. HERE! This week we get together after my attempt to return to work. Topics: fortune cookies, no drinking, boundaries, Syd’s stories, vacation possibilities, Depp & Heard, & horns in rock & roll.

This week Ninja wanted hotdogs for Friday dinner. Something easy he said 😂. I kinda wanted to keep it even more simple and just make grilled cheeses. Then I remembered 💡! I found a video a long time ago that combined hotdogs and grilled cheese sandwiches! These were so damn good! They were crazy easy and really tasted spectacular! Warning, Ninja did find himself up throughout the night groaning about greasy cheesy hotdogs 😂😂.

Grilled Cheese Dogs
Adapted from Delish

4 hot dog buns
3 tablespoon butter, softened
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 teaspoon onion powder
4 hot dogs, split lengthwise
3 cups cheese, shredded
2 green onions, chopped

Flatten hot dog buns with a rolling pin.

In a small bowl, stir together butter, garlic powder, and onion powder. Spread all over outsides of buns.

Grill the hotdogs.

Place a bun buttered-side down in skillet and top with 1/2 cup of cheese, a hot dog, a little more cheese, and 1/4 of green onions.

Cover and cook over medium heat until cheese melts, close up the bun. Repeat with remaining ingredients to make 4 cheese dogs total.

My niece PrettyP sent me the cutest birthday card that finally got here this week!! Apparently the RCMP found a truck full of stolen mail last week, this card must have been in there!! 😆 She is writing already 😫 it has been WAY too long since I have seen her.

Sparkles Window & Blind Cleaning has been nominated for the Best of Penticton Awards again this year! It is such an honour! Ninja brought me home beautiful Mother’s Day flowers, Oliver protected me while I laid in bed sleeping for 3 days and the kids cuddled me up. HBear looked and felt awesome during a 2 day band trip around town and to Kelowna and finished the week off with fun night out at the Kelowna Ballet with a good friend!

On Saturday we met Ninja’s parents at the Penticton Golf & Country Club for Mother’s Day brunch! It was so nice to see them and have a yummy breakfast. The rest of the weekend we were at the studio for dance pictures. I pretty much sat there while HBear showed off a new independence by doing hair, eyelashes and keeping SBean on track. I also had the other Moms helping on the hard stuff and keeping me organized. Even with all the help, I can honestly say that I slept VERY well on Sunday night! It was a wonderful Mother’s Day weekend after a pretty crazy week 💛.