Something happened the other day.
Something extraordinary.
Something that has changed my outlook on life and has given me purpose for the future.
For the longest time I couldn’t see it.
The end.
It had become everyday life. How sad is that? When something that is so horrific becomes common practice?
I thought that I had made peace with that but the other day I realized there was still some fight left in me, that I could rise up and take on anything!
I looked back at the last 6 years and images flashed through my mind.
At first it was at least 11 times a day and oh the black mess!
Over the years I have seen it all. The explosions, the MacGyver changes, and OMG the SMELL!!!!!
Did I even know how to go on without them?
Could I live without… diapers?
Over the past few months I constantly wondered, “Was it this hard with HBear?” Then I realized, it was so bad that much like labor, I had pushed the memories so far back I couldn’t quite remember the traumatic ordeal.
I thought back over the past few months. The trials, the errors, the fights, the meltdowns, 3 potty charts, countless lollipops and 4 pages of stickers.
I felt lighter. Like a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was a wee bit tentative, I didn’t want to feel elation until I knew it to be 100% fact.
But the excitement couldn’t help bubbling up inside of me.
The first time we were out and she told me she needed to use the potty. I felt like I needed to herald. Stand in the middle of town square and shout out to all the parents out there, “it is OK! You will get through it! Your day will come and you will be free!”
When I realized we went through a full week without diapers (even on outings) and no accidents, I felt like I needed to spread the hope.
Every morning since that day I have woken up with fear. Fear that she will forget how to use the potty and an accident will ensure. But as the day progresses my fear is unwarranted. Every night before I go to bed I pray to whoever or whatever is out there to keep us on this righteous path.
My prayer goes something like this…
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray to the Poop Gods this record will keep.
If she has an accident after she wakes,
Please let it be a parched river and not one of the Great lakes.
Please Dear Jesus. Allah, J-Ho…
Let this be the end or I fear the po-po,
Will come and arrest me for losing my potty addled mind,
I just cannot change another stinky behind.
I know all about relapses and dreaded regression,
Thinking about doing this all again is putting me in a depression.
Let’s keep moving forward oh Higher Being,
Keep it all in the potty My Dear, all the pooping and peeing.
And now as I say this hopeful good night
Let it be known I put up a good fight.
The constant changes, the expense, the putrid smell…
I say, Fuck you diapers! Good riddance and FAREWELL!
4 tablespoons margarine
1 small onion, chopped fine (The second time I cut the onions too big, it’s best if they are chopped very small)
3 cloves garlic, pressed
2 1/2 cups chicken stock
1 cup orzo pasta, uncooked
3/4 cup Gruyere cheese, shredded
2 tablespoons fresh chives, chopped (I used green onions the second time)
Melt margarine in a large, heavy skillet over medium-low heat. Add onion and cook until soft but not browned, about 6 minutes. Add garlic and cook 2 minutes more.
In a medium pot, heat chicken stock just until it begins to boil.
Add orzo to onion and garlic in skillet.
Stir in chicken stock, bring to a boil, cover and remove from heat. Let stand, without removing cover, until all liquid is absorbed, about 25 minutes. Stir in cheese until melted; add chives and season with salt and pepper.
