Once upon a time I had a preschooler. She was the light of our lives. She was quick with an apology and even quicker with kind words and a kiss. She was blossoming into a beautiful girl.
I remember when my Mom used to call be Sybil, based off the 1976 Sally Field movie about a woman with split personality LOL. I would turn into a freak and Mom would say, “Oh no watch out Sybil is out!” perhaps we misnamed HBear! 😂
Up until now Ninja and I have had a pretty easy time with the whole discipline thing. HBear has never really liked disappointing us and therefore has been quite easy to handle. We absolutely know this will be different with SBean but it hasn’t really affected us on a day-to-day basis… As of yet.
On Monday HBear had planned a sleepover with SBesty. It was SBesty’s first sleepover! My SBesty, her Mom, chose us as the family to show her how a sleepover is done! HBear was so excited! She planned everything.
“We will do Doh Vinci and then have white sauce spaghetti and ice cream for dessert. After dinner we will take a hot tub, watch a movie with popcorn of course and then we will colour in my bed until bedtime!” She said.
We talked about SBean. This was the first time SBean would be home while HBear was having a sleepover with a friend. She has only had 2 sleepovers but normally SBean goes to Grandma and Grandpa’s. HBear said she wanted SBean to stay and join them. She even said she would like to sleep in her bedroom instead of the living room so that SBean could be involved.
We were unsure of the logistics but decided to go for it! SBesty brought over her mattress and a sleeping bag and we set it up on the floor beside the lower bunk.
As soon as SBesty got there they started crafting!
I was making dinner and I heard HBear making fun of SBean. I was a bit taken back because she never does that. I said “HBear don’t make fun of your sister!” And SBesty said, “I would never make fun of SBean. I like SBean. Actually, I like SBean more than I like you.” HBear looked at her with big open eyes and SBesty said, “it’s true, I do.” 😂
A few minutes later HBear looked over at SBesty’s artwork and said, “I wasn’t going to say anything but your peace sign is upside down.” 😳
I think it may have hurt HBear’s feelings just a little bit more than I thought. Later on when I talked to my SBesty about it, she had talked to her little one and she said “I do like HBear better on the friend graph” (how can you tell they are friends? LOL) and then she said, “but I liked SBean’s attitude more at that moment because HBear wasn’t being that kind to her.”
In retrospect and being a big sister myself, I think HBear was trying to show off a little. We have since talked about how showing off can backfire.
So after dinner,
At 10:30 Ninja went in. They were all settled in SBesty’s bed! HBear assured him that she would be good, she just wanted to stay with her friend. Ninja came back into our bedroom and we thought, “how long will this last?” LOL but we gave them the benefit of the doubt.
10 minutes later we heard SBean crying. Not just crying but that horrible “I am hurt cry” and both Ninja and I raced out of bed and into their room. Apparently SBean had gotten out of bed to be with the big girls and HBear grabbed her wrist and hand and squeezed her hardest. At that point we told her to get up into her own bed.
And then it happened.
The screaming, snorting, crying, and copious amounts of snotting just came out of nowhere! She held on to her bed post and refused to get up into it. Even SBean stopped crying and stared!
Unsure of what to do, we picked her up and brought her into our room to calm down. I tucked SBean in and told SBesty that it was time for bed. She said, “my Mom told me to be a good girl so I’m being a very good girl.” LOL I assured her that she had done nothing wrong but it was bedtime and I headed back into the lion’s den my bedroom. Throughout the entire house all you could hear was HBear screaming!
There was no reasoning with her and really no talking to her. She just screamed louder. Ninja and I had no idea what to do. I turned on the spa music and we both laid in bed with her between us…
It didn’t. We locked eyes above her head and I joked, “You can’t beat her in front of people, take her outside.” 😂
He picked her up and took her outside. Not to beat her obviously LOL but to let her tire herself out without keeping the entire house up. By this time it was almost 11:30 PM.
After almost 15 minutes outside, in the dark, she stopped. She came back in the house and after a few more minutes went up to her bed.
Later on when I checked my Fitbit it showed me having 44 Active minutes. It showed me having done 2 work outs, 5 minutes of cardio and 50 minutes of fat burning activity! I knew I had not done anything but realized that all my life I have stayed thin… from arguing! HAHAHAHA
The next morning she woke up like nothing had happened. But, we knew something had. This has happened twice before. Quite recently actually. Once when we had a miscommunication and my cousin’s daughter was unable to sleep over. The other time was on our mini vacay when we stopped at Gray Monk. HBear had it in her mind that she wanted pictures in the vineyard but kept on standing in the shade where I couldn’t see her. She refused to move and it was so bloody hot that instead of fighting, I just walked away. She followed me screaming and bawling. She continued in the van while we ignored it.
We have come to the conclusion that ignoring this behaviour is not stopping it so we need to come up with a new plan… Fast.
In the morning HBear was still having trouble with listening ears. I had to get the girls to their stand up paddle boarding yoga class so I told her, “you will not miss your obligated activities and when Daddy gets home we will discuss your punishment.”
After stand up paddle boarding and her tennis lesson we got home for lunch. SBean was allowed to have a picnic in the living room but HBear had to sit up at the table. I do not believe that SBean should be punished for HBear’s negative attitude. After lunch it was SBean’s naptime and HBear and I usually journal.
No way. She would not apologize. She went to her bed for nap time as well.
After naptime SBean and I sat at the table doing her letters and sticker book. HBear sat there with her apology letter template and a pencil. She would get up and I would tell her to sit down. She would get mouthy and say, “I’m going to stand up here. I’m going to stand over here. I’m going to go over here. I will not do an apology letter!”
I got up and walked over to her and gave her a great big hug. She returned it wholeheartedly. I pulled back, looked her straight in the eye and said, “I am very angry with you right now. Your behaviour has disappointed me greatly. But, I love you. I love you just as much today as I did yesterday and I will love you just as much today as I do tomorrow. My love for you will never change even when you have lousy behavior.”
I just wanted her to know that. I didn’t want her to be defensive. I wanted her to make her apologies with an open heart.
I explained to her that the apology letter and apologies to her family were not the punishments. As long as it took her to apologize was up to her but her punishment would not begin until after the apologies came.
Bathtime. HBear is at her most vulnerable during bath time. We have deep conversations during bath time LOL.
Lately HBear has been reading her Bible. I got her the Jehovah children’s Bible a few years ago. It has large writing, the pictures are colourful and it tells all the parables I believe to be important. The parables that teach you to treat others the way you would like to be treated. As I have said before all types of religion have helped form my belief system over the years. I too had a Jehovah children’s Bible. I went to Menonite Bible study called Awanas as a child, I helped at the children’s Sunday school at the United Church, I studied Catholicism in University and went to Greek Orthodox and Anglican services with 2 of my best friends.
Ninja and I have many differing opinions about religion. What we can agree on is the golden rule.
We were talking about the stories the other day and HBear was wondering how Noah knew that it was raining all over the world. She said, “I thought you said you didn’t know what was happening in different countries before the Internet.” LOL it’s funny how they put things together!
I asked her if she remembered the story of Medusa. She did. I then told her the story of Echo. Of course I couldn’t actually remember the myth so I made it up as I went along LOL at the end of the story I said, “and that is how Echos were created. Does that make any sense?”
She thought about it briefly and said, “no. Echos are sound waves that vibrate and bounce off of walls. That is not how echos were created.”
In a way I am glad she believes in God now. It’s like believing in Santa. Faith that you have that there’s something bigger than you out there. I have a feeling her analytical brain will not allow her to just believe in the not too distant future.
HBear has been hitting us hard with some really great questions. I told her to write them down.
Of course my favourite one is,
Did Noah forget to put the unicorns on the Ark?
Since HBear is really interested in how God created man, we decided this was the perfect time to start the series, Cosmos. We watched the first episode a couple of weeks ago, HBear loved it!
When we are driving to the grocery store the other day SBean was looking out the window and said, “I love our Earth. If an astroid hit us, it would break earth. I don’t want Earth to break. We have to love our Earth.”
Yes my three-year-old said if an astroid hit us it would break our earth LOL. Such a simple thought process but one I hope she holds onto.
Completely off-topic LOL
I accepted her apology.
That’s it. No buts, I just accepted it.
When we went out into the living room SBean wanted to cuddle. So I cuddled her up LOL HBear came up to cuddle as well and SBean said, “no HBear I don’t want your hugs.” HBear looked crushed. I asked her if she had anything to say to SBean and she said, “I’m trying to right now by giving her a hug!” No. You actually have to say the words. She then apologized to SBean and SBean said that’s OK. HBear tried to give her a hug and SBean still pulled back I said, “no SBean once someone apologizes and you accept it you have to let it go. You can no longer be angry about it.” And then they hugged. I felt a small victory. After that she apologized to Ninja and there was just one apology left, SBesty.
She still refused. She would not explain why, she just refused to do it.
Wtf???
I think she was so embarrassed by her behavior. I think she thinks that by not apologizing SBesty’s won’t remember it? Do you know what I mean?
I went out after dinner for date night with my Sister. Every Tuesday we Facetime to catch up on our week. While I was out there HBear came out and asked where her letter sheet was. I told her. Later on she came out put a piece of paper face down beside me and ran away.
This is what She wrote,
I am so proud of her. I went into her bedroom after date night and told her how proud I was of her. She let out a huge sigh of relief and asked, “is it over then? Is this done?”
She looked like she had aged LOL I said, “yes it is over. Your punishment will begin tomorrow. Your Dad and I have discussed it and you will have no screen time for a week. That is leap pad, TV, computer, and your GameBoy. You will also help me out with chores and there will be no colouring in bed only reading.”
She very sombrely nodded her head in agreement. And then I told her again how much I loved her. All of a sudden she looked 7 and 3/4 again.
Ninja and I need to talk and figure out how to maneuver these kind of situations. The worst part was telling my SBesty what happened LOL she was really good about it and offered a make up sleepover at their house next week so HBear could make good. Oh my God do I hope she behaves! 😳😇
Punishment, day 1: we got up and she helped separate laundry
At 7:30 it was bedtime. She was like, “NO! My bedtime is 8 o’clock!” We explained that good listeners go to bed at 8 o’clock but girls that don’t behave go to bed at 7:30. She freaked out.
She sat and screamed in her bedroom for what felt like forever. When the screaming ended the “negotiations” began. “I’ll stop screaming if I can stay up later. I will not stop until you let me out! Ahhhhhhh”
Ninja went in and apparently said magic words because she finally stopped.
Punishment, day 2: First, I explained to her that we do not negotiate with terrorists. I explained that I’m always up for a negotiation and I am willing to make a deal. However, I will not make a deal with the point, because I want to. If she had reasonable points to her argument then we can negotiate. However, we will never give into demands and we will never give into, “I will stop doing this if you give me what I want.”
About an hour in and she started crying, not tears more just whining LOL “this is going to take forever! I’m never going to be done! I’ve been doing this all day. I’m never going to finish!”
I stopped in the kitchen and said, “exactly! That’s how I feel every single morning. Today I get to get up and chauffeur you around, clean the house, make dinner, and work all day… I am never going to be finished. Do you understand what I’m saying? So next time you yell and scream at me and treat me terribly, remember my entire day was spent doing things for you. Now you see how much I do in a day!” After grapes she helped make dinner.
Damn when SBean’s older our freaking house is going to be spotless! 😜
We also took a break after lunch just to cuddle. 💛 We also cuddled before bedtime. Usually she watches America’s Got Talent or a cooking show or Amazing Race but with no screen time, we just cuddled. She asked me, “Mommy are you going to have another meltdown?” LOL She really liked having me all to herself for the day. She told me numerous times throughout the day. I think it was good to have some one-on-one time together, that night she went to bed with no fuss.
Over the weekend one of my good friends from Winnipeg came for a visit. HBear definitely had her moments but was very good-isa.
Adapted from Creme De La Crumb
4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
½ teaspoon garlic powder
¼ teaspoon paprika
4 slices deli ham
4 slices swiss cheese
Sauce
2 tablespoons dijon mustard
3 tablespoons mayo
1 teaspoon yellow mustard
½ teaspoon worcestershire sauce
¼ teaspoon garlic powder
Mix together the Sauce ingredients.
Season chicken breasts with salt & pepper to taste, garlic powder, and paprika.
While still on the grill, top chicken breasts with sauce, ham slices and swiss cheese. Allow to continue cooking until cheese is melty.
HBear had a week of tennis lessons. She loved it so much she asked to be signed up for this week too!
On Saturday we went golfing with Ninja’s Dad. I got to test out my new clubs! It started off so promising and quickly slid into hopeless give up territory lol. It was an awesome day though with good company and good weather.
We had some good eats and enjoyed drinks and a fire in the evening.
On Sunday Ninja and WREBesty went for another round of golf and I took the Girls to the high school track for a bike ride. HBear still isn’t confident enough to ride anywhere but on a track or on a designated riding trail. Seriously, she is giving me grey hair 😂. SBean and I ran a few laps and did the bleacher stairs too. It was Challenge weekend here in town so we stopped and watched the bike riders coming in. They blow my mind!
We also stopped by the newly painted rainbow crosswalk at the school! We talked about love and treating everyone equally. SBean started singing All You Need is Love and we all joined in. 💛
When SBean laid down for a nap, Dad and HBear cleaned her bike and Ninja, WREBesty and I went for a wine tour!
I have to tell you… I am in full countdown mode for school to begin! 1 week tomorrow!!!!! After this week I am in desperate need of some alone time meditation, a glass of bubbly, and chocolate!
Alas, I guess I will have to settle for getting Hot Lunch up and running, prepping for my DPAC meeting and a Grande low fat, half sweet, vanilla latte. 😜
