Tweenagers, Beef Empanadas AND Mini Cheddar Cheese Loaves

What’s it’s like to be a parent. It’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever do but in exchange it teaches you the meaning of unconditional love.

Nicholas Sparks

For the first time in a long time I missed a post last week. I missed it for a few reasons. I needed to decompress after a full week of working on our Yellow Butterfly Day Baskets. Although I love keeping busy and I love honouring my Mom in a special way, it’s very emotional for me and it takes a lot out of me. I was completely burnt out.

I was also in a terrible mood. It was the last week of school and the weather was crappy, our end of school field trip to the beach didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, and I was just upset that the school year was ending without any sort of celebration whatsoever.

The kids were also in moods.

So, this is my problem, I write a blog about being a parent but my stories are their stories. I never want to embarrass my children by talking about their behaviour or problems. However, they are my stories as a Mom and I want to share them because everybody needs to know there’s someone out there that is going through the same thing as you. My kids are not perfect, my life is far from a fairytale, although most days I am genuinely happy… Some days I want to hide in my bed with my blankets pulled up over my head and eat chocolate and cry. I think this is pretty normal. We ALL have down days.

Social distancing has been relatively easy for me. I am an introvert, I love my home, and I have anxiety about going out. For the past 4 months I have not woken up once dreading having to go out and be social. I haven’t had a canker in months, I have been getting the best sleeps of my life, my skin is clearer than it has ever been (still not great though 😒), I’ve lost weight, I’m eating better, and exercising regularly. SBean has also had a pretty easy time with social distancing. She is very much like me and I am a little worried I may never get her to leave the house again 😂. She has had her moments and we all know it because SBean is not shy of sharing her emotions… Loudly. Some people may think that that is every parent’s nightmare but to me, I appreciate the fact that she can express how she feels, we can talk about it, solve it, and move on.

Ninja and HBear are completely different stories though. They need people. They truly enjoy socializing and going out. Both of them enjoy at home activities but going out and being around people is what really makes them happiest. They are also people that bottle up their emotions. I will ask what’s wrong and get nothing back. Of course Ninja and I have been together for 20 years so we know how to communicate a bit better but HBear… She is a preteen, that has been socially distancing for 3 1/2 months and doesn’t know how to express her emotions. She was bound to erupt at some point.

I have watched my intelligent, bubbly, kind, cheerful, inquisitive HoneyBear fading into a worried, angry, sad, distracted, unfocused tweenager before my very eyes. It is breaking my heart.

I remember laying on that table during the ultrasound and when they said, “it’s a girl“ I began to cry. Of course I wanted a baby girl. I wanted a best friend and the daughter/mom relationship that I had with my own Mom. But I was also scared. Scared that our relationship would be TOO much like my Mom and I. Too similar, too opinionated, too loud, too much love and sometimes too much hate. Every bad thing I ever said to my Mom came back to me in that moment and I was so goddamn scared. My next thought was MS runs through the female line of our family and I cried even harder. I remember driving to work every day and talking the whole way, trying to convince this baby in my belly that my voice was the voice of love. I wanted her to know that although there would come a time when she would hate everything I said to her, I wanted her to know my voice and know how much I loved her. I told myself I wouldn’t get too attached so that when she pushed me away she wouldn’t hurt me. Obviously that didn’t happen.

As soon as I met her my heart was full. While SBean completed me and our family, HBear taught me how to wholeheartedly and unconditionally love 💗.

Fast forward 11 1/2 years and throw in COVID-19 and my best friend, the love of my life and I spend the majority of each day butting heads. I try to calmly talk with her but she ices me out. Then I get loud and yell at her for any type of reaction and she responds with a dead pan, “OK”. I know that she is scared and I know that she is angry but I can’t get her to talk to me!

We stopped turning on the news so that she didn’t really have to know what’s going on out there but the other day she asked me, “Mom can we turn on the news please?” I asked her why and she said “OK fine”. “No! I am genuinely interested in why!” I pleaded with her. She took a few minutes to think and then finally said, “because I’m the type of person that likes to know what’s going on. It scares me more to not know then it does knowing.” So I turned on the news. I’m not sure what she needs for her mental health. I’m not sure how this is truly affecting her. She acts so strong like everything is normal but her behaviour and how she is treating me specifically shows me that this is bothering her a lot more than she is letting on.

I feel lost. Parenting is never easy but parenting during a pandemic is impossible.

So that’s where I am. That’s where I was last week when I didn’t put out a post. I was regrouping. I was forming a strategy for the future and trying to be the best Mom I can be to a sad little girl while shielding my other daughter from the fallout of watching her idol, her big sister, meltdown in front of her eyes.

After a weekend of tough love she had a breakthrough! We talked and hugged and cried and she screamed. Man did it feel good to hear her scream! She needed the release and since then she has being doing MUCH better. We talked about the why she is feeling this way, what we can do as a family to help her through it, and what the consequences would be if she behaved this way again. I hope we never have to go through this again but of course I know we will. Ugh. Parenting is hard.

I hope that you are all doing well. I fear the fallout of 2020 will last years and we will be dealing with the repercussions for a very long time.

Check out How Was Your Week, Honey? Episode 177 Duke of Lindenwoods & Lady of St James HERE This week we venture out. Topics: Into the Wild, texting kids, Father’s Day, booster shot, NHL, home gardening, Ancestry, songs of the week, changing history & New Zealand.

Check out How Was Your Week, Honey? Episode 178 Hooray for the USA HERE! This week we chat about our fav. neighbour to the south, America! Topics: Giovanni Ribisi, Dan O’Toole, Canada Day, July 4th quiz, USA fun facts, American faves, songs of the week, storytelling songwriters & rebel music.

I have ALWAYS wanted to make empanadas but I thought I wasn’t good enough to make flaky pastry dough. I chucked that thought out the COVID window and decided to take this break in our regularly scheduled life to let go of those insecurities and try it! I am so glad that we did! It wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought it would be and we ate them ALL up! They were so flaky and delicious and the filling was full of flavour! We had some leftover dough so HBear made an amazing blackberry compote and sealed a few for dessert the next day! Also ridiculously good! You should try these, I know it looks intimidating but it really isn’t! If we can do it, you can too!

I also attached the recipe for the 30 minute mini cheese loaves that we made for our Yellow Butterfly Baskets! This was rated #1 by the majority of our friends that received the baskets so I am posting this recipe first! Please enjoy 😄.

Beef Empanadas

Adapted from Delish

DOUGH

3 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 cup cold butter, cut into cubes
3/4 cup water
1 egg

FOR THE BEEF FILLING
1 tablespoons olive oil
1 yellow onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 lb. ground beef
1 tablespoon tomato paste
1 teaspoon oregano
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon paprika
1/2 cup tomatoes, chopped
1 1/4 cup Cheddar, shredded
1 1/4 cup Monterey Jack, shredded
1 egg, beaten
1/4 cup cilantro, chopped
1/4 cup sour cream

In your standing mixer bowl, whisk together flour, salt, and baking powder. Cut butter into flour using a pastry cutter until pea-sized. Add water and egg and mix until a dough forms. with your kneading attachment, knead until smooth, about 5 minutes.

Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 1 hour.

Preheat oven to 400° and line two large baking sheets with parchment paper.

In a skillet over medium heat, heat oil. Add onion and cook until soft, about 5 minutes, then add garlic and cook until fragrant, 1 minute more. Add ground beef and cook, breaking meat up, until no longer pink, 5 minutes. Drain fat.

Return pan to medium heat, and stir tomato paste into beef. Add oregano, cumin, and paprika, and season with salt and pepper. Add tomatoes and cook until warmed through, about 3 minutes. Remove from heat and let cool slightly.

Place dough on a lightly floured surface and divide in half. Roll one half out to ¼” thick. Using a 4.5” round cookie cutter, cut out rounds. Repeat with remaining dough. Reroll scraps once to cut out more rounds.

Lightly moisten outer edge of a dough round with water and place about 2 tablespoons filling in center and top with cheddar and Monterey. Fold dough in half over filling. Use a fork to crimp edges together. Repeat with remaining filling and dough.

Place empanadas on prepared baking sheets and brush with egg wash. Bake until golden and filling is warmed through, about 25 minutes.

Garnish with cilantro and serve with sour cream.

30 Minute Mini Cheddar Cheese Loaves
Adapted from Who Needs A Cape?

1 3/4 cup flour
1/3 cup sugar
2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 egg, beaten
3/4 cup milk
1/4 cup oil
1 cup cheddar cheese, shredded & divided

Grease Mini Loaf pans and preheat oven to 400 (I used non stick cardboard baking cups).

Combine flour, sugar, baking powder, salt and 1/2 cup of cheese and set aside.

Combine egg, milk and oil.

Make a well in flour mixture and place wet mixture into & combine until well blended.

Pour equally into 3 mini loaf pans.

Cover each loaf with remaining cheddar cheese.

Bake for about 25 minutes or until tooth pick comes out clean.

These past 2 weeks have been filled with important dates like the last day of school and Canada Day! We have also done beach days, Beachbody, nature walks, booster shots, ice cream dates, a Skype date with RADBesty and Lady Friend, read, made milkshakes, smoothies, played games, bought face masks, received roses from Ninja, enjoyed the pool at Grandma and Grandpa’s, and went cherry picking.

Bring on SUMMER!