This week has been a roller coaster of ups and downs, both physically and mentally. On Wednesday I had another MRI, this time on my spine. This one was more difficult as my body wouldn’t stay still and my arm kept on involuntary twitching. This is frustrating for me because I like to do well in tests. The first time I had the MRI, when I was all done, the radiologist said I did a, “good job” 😳. I had to ask… “How good? Like I stayed so still you were blown away because you’ve never seen anyone stay that still in your entire career good?” 😂 She laughed at me and gave me an A+. This one however, he didn’t even say good job so I had to ask him, “was that OK” and he said “yes”. I mean I could’ve let it go but I asked “did I stay still enough?” and he responded with, “yep it was fine”. Definitely not A+ worthy from that response 😒😂.
Thursday was rough. I let myself feel bad. It was gray out and everything was over sensitive, my feeling on the inside AND on the outside. Ninja was feeling the gray too. We napped all day off and on and watched Get Back. He has been a TOTAL superhero. Playing Mom and Dad while being tender with me and ridiculously supportive. I’m not sure how young stupid me made such a great decision to not let him go but I thank her everyday for making at least 1 great decision in her young adult life.
My other great decisions were HBear and SBean. They have been doing pretty well. SBean wears her heart on her sleeve. When she’s scared, we ALL know it 😂. She has had some BIG feelings this week but she has been talking to us about them instead of pushing them down. Which is good. Gotta count the positives wherever you can! HBear has been more quiet, at least to me. She is so thoughtful and caring and we spent 1 evening cuddling and watching Saved By The Bell. She asks Ninja lots of questions though like, “if Nana had MS and Mom has MS… what about me?” 💔
To be honest, the day I found out we were having a girl, they told me and I burst into tears. Ninja was so confused. I mean, he knew I wanted a boy but tears?? He said “as long as the baby is healthy it doesn’t matter what the sex is Sweetie” We walked down that long hallway away from that ultrasound and I told him my biggest fear. Women in my family get MS. I wanted a boy so I didn’t pass down the degenerate disease that was attacking my Mom, her cousin Doreen and her other cousin’s daughter, Janine. Janine lost her battle to MS 6 weeks ago, Dec 10, 2021. She was 41 and left behind her teenage son.
Ugh.
Friday was a good day! It was sunny out and my head was clear. I didn’t take any naps, I had feeling in my left index finger (it’s the small things!!) and my MIL baked and delivered my favourite chocolate brownies!
Saturday was a bit of both. I woke up and for the first time in over 3 weeks, I didn’t feel like my arm was webbed. I don’t have good descriptive words to describe the feelings I’m having because they are so foreign to me. I have been telling Ninja that it feels like my left arm is webbed under my armpit and it doesn’t feel like it is separate from my torso. I hope that makes sense. On Saturday morning my arm felt separated. It also felt SORE. Like I had worked out HARD the day before, sore. By afternoon I was back to the horrible feeling of constant nerve pain. I didn’t understand what my Mom meant when she explained her symptoms. Some day I’ll talk about the DEEP guilt I have felt these past few weeks in regards to my Mom’s illness. But not today. I can only handle what I can handle and I not ready to unpack that shitshow 😂.
My Sis and BIL, with the help of his Tante, have been working feverishly doing renovations on their new home so that they can move in at the end of the month! Of course, Ninja and I planned on helping them out as much as possible… That’s is why they moved here, family. Knowing that I have zero balance, I can’t even take the ketchup out of the fridge because I knock everything over and break things, and that I tip over when I walk… I thought the best way we could help was to take the kids for the weekend so that they could keep their uninterrupted focus on the house! I felt bad though because Ninja had to do the bulk of the heavy lifting. He didn’t feel bad though! He was so excited to hang out with his Girls and his Nieces. Usually I end up taking over but this time he had them all to himself! They went bowling, shopping for treats at Walmart and had lots of fun.
While they were out, I brushed my teeth because it was 2:30 in the afternoon and I had just woken up from my second nap and I thought, it was about time 😆. I had my toothbrush in my right hand and there was a dishevelled “bang“ hanging to my chin from that cool haircut I got 3 weeks ago when I thought I could maintain it 😞. I tried to use my left hand to move the hair out of my face and couldn’t control my hand and couldn’t feel my hair and then it hit me… that I might not get to feel or move my daughter’s hair out of their faces ever again 😭.
On top of the emotional meltdown that ensued, I also bemoaned the fact that this is a Dance Mom’s worst nightmare.
Questions about buns and braids were literally the first thing out of my mouth when my Dr brought up MS, even before my first MRI. I mean we dropped 7 dances this year but we still have… 9 🤪😬. Thank goodness I have an AMAZING Dance Mom group that offered any and ALL help PLUS my Sis offered her services as the best damn Dance Aunt ever!
I have a lot to be grateful for 💛.
Check out How Was Your Week, Honey? Episode #260: BC Song Bracket Classic HERE! This week, we catch up before diving into the first half of our bracket to determine the best ever British Columbia written song! Topics: talking less, MRI #2, claustrophobia, MS observations, frost bite, & Classic side bracket.
Turkey Meatballs with Ring Pasta
Adapted from Bev Cooks
1 package ground turkey
1 cup panko
1 tablespoon Italian seasoning
1 onion, minced
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 cup parsley leaves, chopped
10 basil leaves, chopped
1 egg
1/3 cup parmesan, grated
1 tablespoon flour
1 bottle of passata
1 cup chicken stock
3-4 cups small pasta rings
1 tablespoon butter
In a large mixing bowl, combine the turkey, panko, Italian seasoning, onion, garlic, chopped parsley, egg, parmesan, and a big pinch of salt.
Mix with your hands until fully incorporated. Form meatballs and, dust lightly with the flour, and set aside.
**You can let this sit however long you want in the fridge. Just bring out about 45 minutes before you cook and allow them to come to room temperature.**
Heat a large skillet over medium-high. Add oil and arrange the meatballs in a single layer. Sear about two minutes, then gently turn each one to brown the other sides. Once browned all over, add the passata, chicken stock, basil and a pinch of salt. Reduce the heat to medium low and let this go about 10 minutes.
Cook the pasta until al dente, drain, and then stir in the butter.
Serve the rings topped with a few meatballs with sauce. Garnish with grated parmesan and extra chopped parsley.
