Never fear shadows…. that always means there is a light shining somewhere.
~ Jonathan Santos
Our whole house is sick.
Dad is finally shaking it but my head is like a volcano ready to explode and even Ninja has a fever L
HBear almost never gets sick. She has had a stomach flu once and a bit of a cold once before but really… she never gets sick.
Last night she was saying her throat hurt and her eye was blurry?!?! WTF? She has been dry coughing a lot, oh, and her tummy hurt too. Of course these things are all connected J
This morning she woke up late and her eye is all bloodshot.
Love is…
Going to the walk-in clinic at the third period of a Canadian Olympic elimination hockey game with the score 1-1 J
When we got there the Dr came in and I said “Tell him what doesn’t feel good.”
“Ummm well my knee is hurting.”
LOL
So apparently she has pink eye, it was going around her school last week, and a throat and ear infection. They put her on an antibiotic. The last time she took an antibiotic Obama was just being sworn in as President lol I had an infection on my nipple and she got it in her mouth.
This kills me. My baby girl… sick. I even let her pick a treat in Shoppers, I almost sprung for some sort of Bratz Doll? Thank goodness she stopped and saw Cadbury Eggs. LOL All day we have cuddled and read books and watched Olympics and I have just held her. SBean got lots of snuggles too as she is cutting another freaking molar, how many freaking teeth are in there?!?!?!
As of tonight… she has 2 pink eyes L and she told me her throat feels like she swallowed poison.
So I was thinking about it and I thought when is the last time I cleaned the remotes? I mean we use them ALL the time. How gross! I for sure have not disinfected them since CANCER invaded our house…
So I went on a mission. I used 1 of my least favorite products, Lysol wipes. I hate them. I only buy them to clean up chicken juice.
Today I went around and disinfected everything we touch.
I did all light switches, lamp knobs, cabinet and drawer handles, door handles, closet handles, remotes, phones, toilet flushers, faucet handles, fridge/laundry/garbage doors. You name it, I Lysoled it.
I’ve got to say this…
Sometimes life isn’t fair. I mean really unfair. As I sit here worrying about sore throats, pink eye and a teething baby… my brother and sister-in-law are watching their son go through his final battle.
The other night Ninja was talking to his brother and they were giving him more meds because he was screaming in pain… OMG I want to throw up.
I honestly don’t know how they are dealing with the realization that their son is closing in on his final chapter.
I can’t imagine their pain, their heartbreak and their fear.
On Monday my mother and father-in-law got the call.
Come now.
They left this morning. They just got there.
I think, even though my Mom was young and it was total bull shit, we all deep down know we are going to go through it. We are going to lose a parent, both parents, at some point. We are prepared, somewhere in ourselves, for that horrible day. Mine came much too soon…
BUT,
No one is prepared to lose a child. Ever.
Especially this way.
When he is in pain.
When you are completely helpless.
Ah Man.
We have no words. What can you say? Nothing in the world can make this better.
My Besty lost her brother when he was 18. We were 16. Her mother was like my second mother. She wrote to me when my Mom was in her last stages (8 months ago this week). Her words were a huge help and comfort to me. This is what she wrote…
Kristin,
The last few weeks/days/hours before your Mom finds rest will be the longest and most difficult days of your life.
You will likely find yourself just wanting her suffering to end, but then being terrified with each extra sign that death is near.
I think most of us hope that when loved ones die we will be with them. It is very hard to sit and watch that happen. Usually they will take a time when they are alone because just as it is hard for you, it is just as hard for your Mom to let go and leave you and your family.
Don’t be upset if this is what happens – it is easier for her and you. One of the “advantages” of seeing a loved one through a battle like your Mom has fought is that we have the opportunity to express over time what is in our hearts.
By the time death occurs you will have said your good-byes and hopefully feel at peace knowing you have shared what’s in your heart. Don’t be afraid to tell her things that might make her cry – she is likely holding back from telling you things for the same reason. Also don’t be afraid to cry and show her your feelings. She needs to share these moments with you as much as you do with her.
I don’t know if anyone ever told you this, but is very important that you give her your permission to die. This is her assurance that you will be okay when she is gone. Yes, you will miss her tremendously and you always will, but your life will continue and you will still enjoy the times you share with your family members.
I don’t mean to be telling you “do’s and don’ts” – I am only trying to prepare you for what may come.
After she is gone and you see her for the last time, it is okay express to her how angry you are that she will not be around to see your girls grow up. Letting out these emotions when you are still looking at her is very therapeutic.
All these things are things that our funeral director told me before Danny died. As I had not thought about a lot of them, I found it very helpful advice to follow.
As the oldest child you may feel that you have to be strong for your Dad and sister. Don’t forget to look after you.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. If there is any way I can help – even just to be a different ear to listen – please know I am here for you and you can call me anytime.
Love Donna
(Donna started an amazing charity in Danny’s name to help sick kids and their families deal with the financial stresses of having a sick child. Please take a look HERE or like their Facebook page.)
(Donna started an amazing charity in Danny’s name to help sick kids and their families deal with the financial stresses of having a sick child. Please take a look HERE or like their Facebook page.)
I thank her for her words and hope that they help someone else, especially my family in Edmonton as much as they helped me.
Tonight as I hold my babies tightly I will pray that my nephew and his family find peace. That the pain will not be too much for him or them to bear. I pray that they say everything that is in their hearts and that they spend their time with him wisely. Holding nothing back. I pray that he finds comfort in their arms and that he finally knows freedom. Freedom from the horrific disease that has held his body captive for the majority of his short life.
I pray that Kevin and Teresa know that my Mom is there waiting. Please know he will be safe. He will be loved. She has her arms open wide and her big smile is shining, just for his welcome… she is a great hugger
He won’t be alone.
And because I have a very hard time with emotional things like this I am just going to say it…
There is NOTHING wrong with my crocs!
L-O-V-E
