If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of.
Bruce Lee
Time.
I was looking at my picture wall in my bedroom and there is a picture of HBear from last fall and her school picture from this fall. It barely looks like the same kid!
Time.
Some days it feels like time has stood still. Others feel like they are literally flying by me.
In 5 months it will be 5 years. 5 years without my Mom. I am past the point of WTF? I have now come to terms with, that happened. I am past the stage of anger because nobody can be angry for 4 years, 7 months and 3 days. I am past the sadness because it is just a reality. My reality. I don’t hear her name and get that lump in my throat. I don’t see her picture and feel that tightening in my chest. I don’t visit her gravesite as often, and I don’t cry on a daily basis… anymore.
I do think, “I can’t wait to tell Mom” at least twice a day. I do look at SBean and think, “my Mom would have loved you to pieces.” I do hear her in my head at swim meets cheering HBear on. I do look up to skies above and say things like, “thank you”, “I miss you”, “I love you” and “OMG did you just see that?” At least once a day.
Where is this coming from? My heart. My heart will hurt forever. It is also coming from a little Christmas error. This past Christmas Ninja and I wanted to send our podcasting friend, Agent Palmer a gift. AP likes to think that although he is American, because he has many friends up here in Canada, that he is Canadian by transitive property 😂. We decided to send him 1 of our VERY favourite Xmas movies that show a true account of a 1980’s Canadian Christmas… Coopers’ Camera. We bought a few copies a couple years ago and I found 1 wrapped in the back of our closet. So we sent it!
A few weeks later he thanked us and started talking about his gift and what he liked about it… especially the vows.
?????
We quickly realized that in error we had sent him a video of our wedding!!!!! I don’t even know why that was wrapped lol. He actually watched it though and we thought… maybe we should too 😂. So we did. I didn’t think anything of it. Until she walked down the aisle.
My breath caught in my throat. Ninja stopped breathing all together and looked at me slyly out of the corner of his eye. I said, “Mom looked great in that dress didn’t she?” Ninja slowly breathed out and agreed with me and we continued watching. It was the first video I have seen of her. She was walking and smiling and looked so very happy.
Time.
So much can change in a blink of an eye. When people come to me for advice about losing their Mother I always say, “use your minutes. We are the lucky ones. We get advance notice and it is up to us to use that time wisely.” However, you will never say everything you want to say.
I used to be so mad at my Mom for writing 8 beautiful cards of love and appreciation to her 8 best friends from across her lifetime. I used to think, “she had so much to say to them and left NO words of love, advice or memory for us. Her kids and grandkids.” Now, I realize that there were no words to describe what she was feeling because the emotion was so overwhelming. I go back and read her eulogy and I used to think, “really? That’s it? I will love you to the moon and back? That’s it?”
Now I think, “wow what a daunting task.”
Of course she didn’t have the perfect last words. Of course she didn’t impart some significant insurmountable piece of advice. Stuff like that only happens in movies. With a LOT of time writing those meaningful words. In real life she was in pain, she was angry, she was sad, she was scared and she was quiet. What words could have been said to her Granddaughter’s? She knew that they would have no real memories of her. What words could have been said to us that would last an entire lifetime? What could she have said that was so profound that it would be etched on my soul for the rest of my life?
I love you.
That’s it. Those are the only words that will stand the test of time. My Girl’s will know that, I know that, my family knows those words to be true and everlasting. Time goes by fast. Kids grow up fast. Things change… fast. My advice to everyone is to love hard. When you are gone that will be what you leave behind for people to remember.
My Mom had this large velvet poem in her bedroom while I was growing up. I remember reading it over and over again. I don’t remember who wrote it. My Poppy gave it to my Mom and my Mom gave it to me when she moved to BC. I have no idea where that ugly old velvety poem is now. I remember what it said though and I would like to share it with you…
When I was a kid I LOVED Mr. Noodles. I wasn’t much of a cook back then and it was quick and easy and oh so salty goodness. As a teenager and as a young adult I switch to Ichiban noodles but the thought was still there… easy, tasty and salty. As I’ve gotten older I have realized that while somethings in life are super delish, they aren’t always the best for you. WHY?!?!?! Why can’t something that tastes so good be healthier? Oh wait! It can! I looked everywhere for a dish that would bring me back to my University days and I found this! This is SO good! It tastes like Mr. Noodles Cup of Soup but WITH real chicken, real veggies and layers of amazing flavours! It takes about 15-20 minutes to make and you can have a different kind of chicken noodle soup that the whole family will LOVE!
Heat 1 tablespoon oil in a large non-stick skillet over medium-high heat. Add green onions, garlic and ginger and saute 2 minutes, set aside.
Pour in chicken broth, soy sauce, mirin, rice vinegar, Sriracha, and sesame oil, then pour garlic mixture, peas/carrots and chopped chicken into soup mixture. Bring to a boil then reduce heat to medium-low, cover and simmer for about 5 – 7 minutes.
Stir in sugar and slaw (I totally forgot the slaw 😂) and return soup to a boil. Add noodles and cook 3 minutes, until noodles are tender. Sprinkle with cilantro and serve.
HBear had her 2nd curling lesson this week and she is loving it!
While HBear curled, SBean and I went to buy a baguette for dinner and get her bangs cut! Now I can see her beautiful face again! She was so excited to get bread because she has been doing some home reading lately and 1 we just read was Nanette’s Baguette by Mo Willems. He is the BEST children’s author and SBean loves his books!
After dinner snuggles!
This upcoming weekend I am having a LipSense Party. I have been promoting LipSense all week. If you are interested in getting an invite to my online party, let me know! I really love their products! I am not a huge makeup person so to find lipstick and eyeshadow that looks nice, lasts all day and has a variety of cool colours… well that just makes me happy 💛.
Speaking of happy, SBean got 2 of the same LEGO sets for Xmas. We took 1 back but every Friends LEGO set in Penticton and Kelowna apparently was sold at Christmas. This was the ONLY set we could find. She was super happy with it though and was up bright and early ALL weekend begging to play LEGO.
HBear is getting to the age where clothes matter. She has had a “friend” lately that is putting the other Girls down for their clothing choices. I try but she likes what she likes and I’m ok with that. I WANT her to pick out her own clothes. I WANT her to develop her own style… even if it is polka dot socks, reindeer pants and a striped shirt 😂.
It was a rainy weekend so we just relaxed. I finished the Outlander Series and I am on to my next book! I am so far rocking my New Years Resolutions! We also watched a full day of Hockey Day in Canada!
Grandma and Grandpa took the Girls to the Vees Hockey game on Saturday night for the Annual Anti-Bullying/School Spirit game! They had a BLAST!
SBean also started her first real Yoga class! I have been asking for Child Yoga in town for a while and a new studio, Starlit Yoga finally listened! We all go there now and I love it!
On Sunday it was still raining and Papa was off to Mexico for his annual vacation, so we went to the Family Drop In Gymnastics at Springers! So much fun!
That evening HBear practiced her Selfie Game 😂.
And there were many more snuggles and cuddles!
Until next time… use every minute wisely and LOVE hard 💛.
Having Multiple Sclerosis is like trying to drive a car with a broken steering wheel and faulty brakes. You never know what’s going to happen next — Jamie-Lynn Sigler
