It’s hard to be a parent.
I remember taking out every book I could about vaccinations! I am so happy that I did because I knew a lot of the terminology when the pandemic hit and the new vaccination freak out began. Because I had already done my research it was a no-brainer to get HBear vaccinated and we are looking forward to SBean’s vaccination in the coming weeks/months. However, at that time that decision was all consuming. To breast-feed or not to breast-feed, dance or gymnastics, and most recently English or French?
Here in British Columbia our school system is silly in the fact that our children don’t begin to take French class until grade 5 and French immersion doesn’t start until grade 6! In Manitoba it starts in kindergarten! When it came time to enrol in middle school we had a choice, should HBear move into the French track or continue in English? It was a very difficult decision although Ninja and I do not speak French fluently, we both took French up to the university level. Both my Brother and Sister married Francophones and all our nieces and nephews are in early learning French immersion, again, something we don’t offer here in BC. We talked to HBear’s teachers and asked them what they thought and they all agreed that HBear, who was in gifted learning, would be an ideal fit for the French immersion program. All of HBear’s friends were headed in that direction so the decision was made, French track it was!
Grade 6 was rough, Covid hit halfway through her first year and although we continued at home learning, we did not continue full-time French because Ninja and I didn’t have the education to teach her in French. When school went back to in person classes during her grade 7 year, HBear seemed to pick up right where she left off! She continued getting A’s and continued making the honour roll so we continued plugging along thinking everything was A-OK! In her final term of grade 7 she got a C! She was absolutely devastated! A C in social studies! I really didn’t think much of it, but I should have.
In July HBear approached me and said very matter-of-factly, “Mom I’m struggling and I need help.” I am so absolutely 100% proud of my daughter for being 12 years old and being self-aware enough to know that when she needs help, to ask for it. Since that day it has been a roller coaster of emotions and understanding what mental health really is. One thing we started to realize once we began truly communicating is that HBear is wonderful at hiding. Hiding her feelings, hiding her fears of the future, and hiding how much she was struggling at school. Her grades were wonderful! Parent teacher interviews were boring because all they told us was how great she was doing and honestly we couldn’t read any of her homework so we trusted that she was getting along in class just fine. She wasn’t.
One evening we were sitting at the island doing her social studies homework together and I laughed and said, “I have no idea what anything on this paper says!” She laughed and said “me neither”. That caught my intention. All of a sudden it became so clear to me! The reason her interest had dropped so much from a girl that loved school to a girl who pretended to have tummy aches to avoid going to school was the simple fact that she didn’t know what was being said around her on a daily basis. She was basically Charlie Brown and her teachers were going “Wawa Wawa Wawa”. I realized right then and there, we had made the wrong decision.
A few weeks ago we had parent teacher interviews and we talked with teachers from all different subjects and they all said the same thing, “she’s a wonderful student and she is doing great!” HBear’s homeroom teacher said, “no no she understands everything that’s going on, she just takes a long time to get going.” I responded by explaining to her that HBear wasn’t taking time getting ready, she was using the time to look around and watch what everybody else was doing so that she could follow along. HBear, we have learned is a very good little actress. She loves to make people happy and she will do what she needs to do in order to please.
In the subsequent days we talked to her principal, her teachers, the counselor, and our family. Finally we spoke with HBear. She was having none of it! That’s where her friends were and there was no way she was failing. Ninja and I explained to her that it’s not failure! She’s not dropping out of school, she’s transferring into a different class. School would still be just as hard and there would be challenging opportunities even in the English track. We explained that we took English and have happy and successful lives. We explained to her that we were worried that her feelings about school would become even more negative and she would lose interest in learning altogether. I reminded her how much she loved being a “scientist”, a person that asked questions, a person that liked debate, a person that liked learning about new things and how much that has changed in the past 2 years. She went back and thought about it again and came back to us a few days later and reluctantly agreed. She said, “when I am asked to describe something I would love to talk about all the things I know about it but I can’t because I only know 3 words in French to describe what it is that I want to say. I want to say more. I will try the English track.”
So we did it! 2 weeks ago we transferred HBear from the French track to the English track and I know this time that we made the right decision! The change in her has been eye-opening! She talks about school nonstop now! She’s excited about assignments again, she has a book in her hand all the time, and she feels smart again! Her confidence is up and she has made some wonderful new friends!
Her teachers applauded us and they said that there are so many students that are in the same boat but their parents won’t move them because their kids have already put in so much time and effort into French, why not just see it through? They said most parents don’t know because they don’t understand what the kids are learning so they just trust the process.
I always have a hard time talking about subject matter like this on my blog, sometimes I don’t know where the boundary ends and where it begins. I don’t want to tell HBear’s story, that’s her story to tell. However, I do want to tell the story from the perspective of a Mom. A Mom and Dad that are trying their best to make decisions for their children. Parents that are able to admit when they have made a mistake. Parents that are so proud that their daughter has the tools to express what they need even when they don’t know what that is. The last few months changed the way I parent. They have changed the way I look at my kids and they have changed how I will approach parenting going forward. They have shown me what matters and what is truly important in the grand scheme of things.
So, this is just a small reminder, check in on your kids. Don’t take it for granted that everything is OK. Even if things look like they’re going swell on the surface, don’t be satisfied with that, dig a bit further. Grades aren’t the end all be all, the love of learning is. Being able to express yourself is. Asking for help is. Loving yourself is 💛.
Thank you HBear for teaching me something new… again. You are the best thing that ever happened to me and I am so proud of the young woman that you have become 💗.
Check out How Was Your Week, Honey? Episode #249: We Old! HERE! Feeling the season change, we discuss: college football, home remedies, a day of mishaps, baking, getting a dog, the traffic circle, hockey update, A Year of Us, & Oilers.
This past week was my In-Law’s 52nd Anniversary!! Having a 50th anniversary is definitely on my bucket list! We wanted to do something nice for them, so we made a delicious autumn dinner! We made Pistachio Crusted Pork Tenderloin with White Wine Dijon Sauce, a Skillet Potato Leek Gratin, Garlic Butter Mushrooms with Cauliflower, Harvest Fall Salad, and Tweed Cake for dessert!
My pictures SUCK because I was too busy enjoying our company to take the time to properly stage and photograph our yummy dinner. PLEASE don’t let that stop you from trying out these marvellous dishes though! Every single bite was absolutely scrumptious. It was a fabulous dinner. The pork was tasty and moist. The sauce was the perfect accompaniment to the meat. The potatoes were made early and popped into the oven when our guests arrived. Even Ninja loved them and he isn’t a huge gratin fan! I will make this cauliflower/mushroom dish any day of the week! It takes minutes and is UBER flavourful! The Girls LOVED it! The salad was perfect for the season and the dressing could be used on any green salad, and will be used often in our house! Ninja made the cake with the Girls and it was so good. The buttercream was light and fluffy and the chocolate ganache was divine! The cake has flecks of dark chocolate throughout the luscious vanilla layers. SO SO yummy! This would be a perfect “different” Thanksgiving meal in the coming weeks for all my American friends!
Pistachio Crusted Pork Tenderloin with White Wine Dijon Sauce
Adapted from Modern Proper
2 (1 lb) tenderloins
3/4 cup roasted, salted, shelled pistachios
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon mustard powder
1 tablespoon thyme, chopped
2 cloves of garlic, chopped
1 teaspoon black pepper
2 tablespoon butter
1/2 cup shallot, minced
4 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 cup white wine
1 cup chicken stock
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1 tablespoon whole grain mustard
1 tablespoon thyme, minced
1 teaspoon sage, minced
1 teaspoon rosemary, minced
1 cup heavy cream
Heat oven to 375° F. Trim the fat from the pork tenderloin, set aside.
In a food processor, pulse the pistachios, salt, mustard powder, thyme, garlic and pepper until incorporated, about 20-30 times.
Pour the pistachio mixture out onto a baking sheet. Place the tenderloin onto the pistachio mixture and gently roll to coat all sides.
For the sauce, heat the butter in a medium sized skillet over medium heat until just beginning to bubble. Add the shallots and cook for 3 minutes. Add the garlic and cook for 1 minute longer.
Add the white wine. Simmer for 3 minutes, until slightly reduced.
Serve the pork sliced on a platter with the white wine dijon sauce.
Heat the butter in a 10-inch cast iron skillet over medium heat. Add the chopped leeks and cook, stirring often, for 5-7 minutes or until softened and starting to caramelize. Season with salt and pepper. Remove from the skillet to a bowl and set aside.
Layer half of the potatoes in the bottom of the same skillet. Season with salt & pepper. Top with half of the leeks and 1/4 cup of Gruyere cheese. Layer with remaining potatoes, season with salt & pepper and then top with the remaining leeks.
Cover with a lid or some tin foil and bake for 40 minutes. Remove the lid or tin foil and cook until golden brown & bubbling, about 15-20 minutes.
Stir in cauliflower; season with salt and pepper, to taste. Cook, stirring often, until golden and tender, about 5-6 minutes.
Stir in garlic, thyme and parsley until fragrant, about 1 minute.
Stir in wine and chicken stock, scraping any browned bits from the bottom of the skillet.
Remove from heat. Stir in remaining 1 tablespoon butter; season with salt and pepper, to taste.
Adapted from Grand Babycakes
7 oz mixed green salad, rinsed
1 pear, sliced
1 apple, sliced
1/3 cup dried cranberries
4 cooked bacon slices chopped
1/3 cup feta cheese (I didn’t add but kept it on the side)
1 cup apple cider
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
1 1/2 tablespoons shallots, minced
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
1 tablespoon honey2 teaspoon extra virgin olive oil
salt and pepper
Combine lettuce, pear, apple, cranberries, feta, and bacon in a large bowl and toss together.
Add apple cider, apple cider vinegar and shallots to a small pan over high heat.
Allow cider liquid to cool slightly then add to a bowl.
Whisk in remaining ingredients until it is completely smooth and well mixed.
Pour over salad and toss together and serve.
Tweed Cake
Adapted from Rock Recipes
3 cups flour
4 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 egg whites
1/3 cup sugar
1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
4 egg yolks
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup milk
1 ounce dark chocolate, grated
1 1/2 cups butter
6 1/2 cups icing sugar
2 tablespoons vanilla
3 tablespoons milk
2 cups chocolate chips
1/2 cup heavy cream
Grease, flour and line the bottom of two 9 or 10 inch cake pans with parchment paper.
Sift together the flour, baking powder and salt and set aside.
Separate four eggs, reserving the yolks for later. Beat the egg whites and 1/3 cup sugar with an electric mixer until soft peaks form. Set aside.
Cream together the butter and 1 cup sugar well.
Add the 4 egg yolks along with the vanilla extract and beat until creamy.
Fold in the flour mixture in 3 equal portions, alternating with the 1 cup milk.
Add the milk in two equal portions in between the flour mixture additions, beginning and ending with the dry ingredients. Don’t over mix.
Gently fold in the beaten egg whites and sugar.
When the egg whites are almost incorporated fold in the grated chocolate.
Pour batter into the prepared pans and bake for about 20-25 minutes at 325 degrees F or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Be careful not to over bake the cake portion. Cool completely on a wire rack.
Cream together butter, icing sugar, vanilla and milk until very creamy and fluffy.
You can add a little more or less milk or icing sugar to get it to a proper thick but spreadable consistency.
Frost the middle and sides of the cake and chill for a couple of hours before adding the chocolate ganache finishing layer.
Cool to lukewarm and spread quickly over the chilled frosting.
Let the chocolate set before cutting and serving.
